Posts Tagged 'energetic boundaries'

Emotional Alchemy Transforms Fear into Freedom

photo credit: h.koppdelaney via photo pin cc

Fear seems to be one of the least helpful feelings when you are doing something new.  If that something new involves alligator wrestling, fixing a gas leak, or dating a notorious gangster, then your fear will help you stay alive.Most of us experience a different sort of fear that seems attached to unlikely events or events that do not really threaten us.  We worry enough about saying the wrong thing at a meeting that we don’t notice the mugger in the alley.  I laugh when I think of the driven students at my university during exam time, who were so afraid of failing, they would read their note cards while crossing State Street in front of Mack trucks.

When we examine this sort of fear, we tend to dismiss it as groundless.  The trouble is, it doesn’t stay dismissed.  It often has a message that is just as valid as more obvious seeming fears.  Finding the message can be the solution.  For months I woke up with a feeling of fear I didn’t understand.  After my teacher advised me to meditate on it and ask it what it wanted, I discovered that I was afraid I would never find the courage to pursue a cherished goal.  After I got the message, the messenger finally went away.

Getting the message can take a while.  Meantime, you can energetically transmute fear and feel better right now.  Fear is an energy in your body.  You can change the energy in your body by simply thinking about it in a different way.  Imagine your body is surrounded by a bubble of light.  Now imagine that because you are fearful, you make the outer wall of that bubble extra strong and thick, so nothing can get to you.  Also imagine that the bubble is big enough to enclose your body comfortably.

You have now effectively channeled fear energy out of your body into protective but not restrictive boundaries.

Where are Your Boundaries?

“…Good fences make good neighbors… Robert Frost

Even in the land of the free, too many people are not really free mentally and emotionally. Many of us are controlled by others in subtle ways and brainwashed by the media to subscribe to others’ opinions and values (or lack thereof.)  When controlled by the opinions, definitions, criticism and anger of family members, bosses or partners, the results can be trauma, confusion and lack of energy.

Most systems of spirituality offer paths to the goal of liberating and actualizing the individual’s core self and teach that we create our experience with our spirits and energy. Some of these teach that the very reason we are here is to learn these things. Yet too many of us cannot create what we truly want because the energy of our thoughts and feelings is full of other people’s ideas and opinions. We may not even know what really makes us happy.

Advertisements convince us we should want certain kinds of bodies, houses, clothes, and relationships.  As a result, we bypass the true desires of our hearts and pursue shallow goals which are difficult to accomplish because they are not truly our own.  Relationships we see in the media are all about one upmanship. Communications are peppered with put downs and those who complain are “too sensitive.”

You can opt out of this behavior and take your power back. It involves strategies many of us have never been taught for maintaining personal boundaries, keeping your mental space clear and letting your authentic self shine forth.

When personal boundaries are created it becomes much easier to see which thoughts and feelings are your own and which have been foisted upon you by others.

A simple first step is to learn where your boundaries are- or should be. Simply look at what is acceptable treatment by others and what treatment would you prefer NOT to experience. The only rule for this determination is that you should like your boundaries.

Perhaps you would prefer that people in your life be punctual and keep their commitments with you. Maybe you think that your friends ought to be able to distinguish you in their minds from their other friends. Perhaps it is okay for your children to help themselves to your property but not for your in-laws. Possibly you are okay with people swearing around you but never swearing at you.

Wherever you set your boundaries is fine as long as they are yours. It helps to imagine these boundaries in space, like a bubble that surrounds your body. Where are they? Do they give you room to spread your arms? Imagine your boundaries have sharply defined edges, but are clear and allow you to see and be seen.

Now you can begin to ask trespassers to back off when they cross your boundaries.  You may need to limit your interaction with those who disrespect you. If you focus on these boundaries for as little as a minute every day, you will soon see a difference in how others interact with you and the enlightened way you interact with them.

You can also make sure you are honoring other people in the ways you choose to be respected.

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