Posts Tagged 'emotions'

The Single Most Enlightened Interaction of Them All

Self love is something that never made any sense to me at all.  Until last year, I understood the concept only intellectually, but didn’t really know what the big deal was.  Suddenly I saw that a lack of self love was affecting all my endeavors.  I didn’t really think that I was not good enough, but I didn’t feel a lot of love for myself.  I put my needs second, third or even last, and if someone had an issue with me, I assumed I was at least 90% responsible.

One day last year, I read that a person who has never experienced unconditional love or brilliant success, can have those feelings downloaded, using Theta Healing®.   Once the person has experienced those feelings, he or she can attract experiences that resonate with the feelings.  I decided I needed to know what it felt like to receive unconditional love, so I booked a Theta Healing® session to “download” this feeling.   What a difference it made!

All my interactions were changed.  I felt more love for and from others.  I also saw very clearly how all love in my life; given or received, originated in me.  Self love is a keystone for enlightened interactions. Most importantly, self love helps you follow your life’s true path.

Long before I experienced unconditional love through Theta Healing®, I had experienced an inner force which, while small, was totally invincible.  I could drown out its message for a while, but not for long.  I could ignore this force for a week, but not a month.  This force was the drive to be authentically me.

I drowned out the small soft voice of this inner force with intellectual chatter.  (I spent many years of my life training my intellectual chatter.)  I could talk myself into this or that course of action, but could not make them work because the force of this inner force made me feel bad if I did things were not in line with my authentic desires.

This force speaks to us in feelings.  You can tell in your body whether you are going the correct direction.  You will feel free and easy if you are.  You will feel resistance and irritation if you are not.  Martha Beck calls this a sense of “shackles off” and “shackles on.”  If you want to understand this concept better, just take a look at your list of things to do right now.  See how each item makes you feel.

I recently had a session with Jeannette Maw, who calls herself the Good Vibe Coach.  Jeannette is full of good vibes and I felt better just hearing her laugh.  After a long and detailed session, she said, “It’s easy.  Decide what you want and then do what feels good.”  My first thought was, “She’s insane!”  But, since what I had been doing hadn’t been working too well, and Jeannette seemed to be happy and successful, I chose to think shw was taking her own advice.

The first result of doing what felt good was a lot of free time.  I was shocked at how many things on my “to do” list did not feel good at all.  All the marketing activities I thought I must do to get business, made me feel like throwing up.  I let them go, thinking I would never get clients, but strangely, feeling hopeful.   Interestingly, the activities I did feel like pursuing resulted in four new clients who are very well suited to me.

Oddly, slacking off like this, I’m getting better results in many areas of life.  I was forcing myself to exercise, but I find that if I listen to my feelings, I will desire to get out and get moving on a fairly regular basis.  Once, I forced myself to eat salads, following my feelings seems to result in a beautifully balanced diet over time, eating salad only when I really want to.

Strangely, my feelings have led me to do some things that no one else understands and I’m trusting that those actions will also bring good results in the long run.  If nothing else, they have created a “shackles off” feeling in the short run.

photo credit: “http://www.flickr.com/photos/privateale/429925006/”>Hotel Ocho http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>

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Disconnecting Your Hot Buttons

Sometimes it seems emotions come at us out of the blue.  You turn left on Main Street and are suddenly overwhelmed by sadness.  What happened?  An acquaintance asks how you are. Suddenly you feel annoyed.  What’s going on?  Emotional reactions that seem to come from nowhere are rooted in your unconscious.  How in the heck did they get there and what can you do about them?When you have denied your feelings rather than simply feeling them, they can pile up in your unconscious. If you deny enough of them, perhaps because you do not want to own your negative feelings, they can even create physical symptoms.  Everyone does this to some degree.

Then, when you see a man on the corner who looks like the boyfriend who dumped you, or you run across an acquaintance who reminds you of your evil stepmother, you can suddenly be catapulted into reactions that don’t seem to make sense.

We say these people or situations push our buttons, because of the automatic nature of our reaction, but this is a bit of a cop out.  When I studied anatomy, humans didn’t have buttons.  If they did, I would look for a reset button during these sorts of outbursts.

You can create a lot more comfort and ease around these hot button reactions without lying on Dr. Freud’s couch (not that there’s anything wrong with that.)  The trick is so simple you might not take it seriously.  But I urge you to take it seriously and try it more than once.

The trick is to simply experience the feeling.  You won’t die from it.  You don’t have to know where it came from, simply feel the feeling.  In fact, the feeling will pass quickly if you don’t resist it. After you practice this a few times, you will notice your hot buttons being disabled, one by one.

There are energetic ways of reducing the resistance and pain of feeling your emotions and making the process easy and rewarding.  I call these techniques emotional alchemy because they transmute negative feelings like anger, sadness and fear into positive qualities like good boundaries, ability to release old issues, and heightened awareness.

What these techniques do is increase the flow of emotions, so they flow right through the body and don’t stay stuffed in the subconscious.  Emotions handled this way change almost magically from painful to neutral.  Practice at properly handling emotions ultimately creates states that are positive.

We have emotions for a reason.  They give us important information.  When we get the message, the messenger goes away.  Just as my grandma’s letters came with a dollar bill tucked inside, the messages of emotions also come with gifts in them.

When you experience good boundaries and let go of old business, you are then present and aware.  You cannot be present and aware for very long before you find yourself feeling joy.

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To those of you who do experience chronic pain, check out The Mind Body Prescription  by John Sarno, M. D.

Emotional Alchemy Transforms Fear into Freedom

photo credit: h.koppdelaney via photo pin cc

Fear seems to be one of the least helpful feelings when you are doing something new.  If that something new involves alligator wrestling, fixing a gas leak, or dating a notorious gangster, then your fear will help you stay alive.Most of us experience a different sort of fear that seems attached to unlikely events or events that do not really threaten us.  We worry enough about saying the wrong thing at a meeting that we don’t notice the mugger in the alley.  I laugh when I think of the driven students at my university during exam time, who were so afraid of failing, they would read their note cards while crossing State Street in front of Mack trucks.

When we examine this sort of fear, we tend to dismiss it as groundless.  The trouble is, it doesn’t stay dismissed.  It often has a message that is just as valid as more obvious seeming fears.  Finding the message can be the solution.  For months I woke up with a feeling of fear I didn’t understand.  After my teacher advised me to meditate on it and ask it what it wanted, I discovered that I was afraid I would never find the courage to pursue a cherished goal.  After I got the message, the messenger finally went away.

Getting the message can take a while.  Meantime, you can energetically transmute fear and feel better right now.  Fear is an energy in your body.  You can change the energy in your body by simply thinking about it in a different way.  Imagine your body is surrounded by a bubble of light.  Now imagine that because you are fearful, you make the outer wall of that bubble extra strong and thick, so nothing can get to you.  Also imagine that the bubble is big enough to enclose your body comfortably.

You have now effectively channeled fear energy out of your body into protective but not restrictive boundaries.

Being Positive

I believe it is important to cultivate optimism and a cheerful, upbeat attitude.  In the last 20 years, the new thought movement has practiced this belief with a vengeance.

Positive thinking is… positively annoying when it is carried to extremes.

I realize this is heresy to many of the lovely, optimistic people I know.  But please, read on.  There is a danger to unbridled positive thinking.  It can have negative results!

Things happen that arouse negative feelings in us.  Everyone experiences frustrations, disappointments, losses, sadness, and hurt feelings.  Optimism can help us through these trials, but positive thinking does not make them go away.

On the contrary, ignoring our negative feelings keeps them with us longer.  I’m not suggesting that you dwell on your problems and make them more powerful than they are.  But, if you ignore them, you simply push the negative thoughts underground.  They get repressed in the unconscious.  This is not a good place to store your negative feelings.  The unconscious negativity will affect you in ways you do not expect.  The feelings will pop out at embarrassing moments and affect your behavior in strange ways.

Negative thoughts are only negative because we say they are.  In truth all feelings have important messages for us. If we ignore these “negative” messages, they will pop in surprising ways and scotch all our attempts to be positive.

When your gas gauge points to empty, you can ignore the negative thought it evokes and put a smiley face sticker over it.  Ignoring this important but negative message will ultimately make your experience more negative.  Instead of stopping for gas, you will run dry on the highway.

I am positive that I will be accused of being negative, but I am positively tired of being beaten over the head with other people’s positive thinking.  Optimism is very effective, interpreting all experience in constructive, encouraging ways.  But positive thinking that ignores negative feelings causes those negative feelings to be repressed.

For some reason, positive thinking proponents often take on the role of thought police.  Without much compassion, they will tell someone who is suffering, “Just don’t give power to it!”

I challenge you thought police out there (who are thinking right now about how negative I am,):  If you are truly a positive thinker, then why does my negative experience bother you?

I can tell you why.  When someone’s emotion seems negative to you, it resonates with your own negativity.  It makes you feel bad because of the feelings that are repressed.  My unhappiness wakes up your unhappy feelings.

If you want to be truly positive, you will feel your feelings – yep, all of them.  You will hear their messages, and let them go.  If you try this for a while, you will no longer tell a positive/negative story about your emotions – or mine.

Does my opinion bother you?  Just don’t give any power to it!

P.S.  Check out The Sedona Method, or Raphael Cushnir or even the recent work of Martha Beck for effective ways of dealing with stories and emotions.

The emotions you are feeling may not even be your own!

We reflect those around us

Those of us with porous boundaries tend to feel that we may be super emotional, temperamental or even crazy, when we feel profound shifts and changes in our thoughts and emotions.

In fact, we all “catch” emotions and moods from each other, though some of us are better at it than others. We tend to mirror each other’s body language and this can make you feel the emotional tone of a person with whom you are speaking. But on a more subtle level, we have mirror neurons in our brains that keep us in emotional sync with the people around us, even when we are not actively engaged with them.

Those who are capable of empathy with others, learn early on to “feel” their way around their environments. It seems those of us who grew up in chaotic times or in chaotic households or with explosive or moody caretakers, learned to do an especially good job of picking up others’ emotions.

It took me years to discover that I was an empath and not emotionally disturbed, though I was certainly disturbed emotionally! But once I saw that not all of the emotional winds blowing through my space belonged to me alone, I was able to learn what feelings were really mine. What a relief! I discovered I am way more stable…and positive… than I had always assumed.

How can you cope if you are emotionally absorbent?

The obvious, but not always practical, solution is to be careful of the company you keep. Notice if bad moods are triggered in particular environments or by certain people and avoid those if possible.
You can create more solid mental and emotional boundaries with your imagination. If you picture yourself surrounded by a clear, protective bubble, your thoughts and feelings actually affect the energy field around your body. This mental distinction is remarkably effective for keeping other people’s “stuff” at arm’s length.

We are not as separate from each other as we think. Though being empathic can be troublesome, being able to identify with the feelings of others is what makes you a fully functioning human being!


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