Archive for July, 2016

Love is Out There?

Whenever I lead clients through emotional clearing, they get to a basic underlying state, below the shifting emotions, and they almost always describe this state as love.

Indeed, love is our field state; the energy at the core of the being, and its power is always present and available.  With this force as the very fabric of our beings, why then, do we find it so hard to believe that we can attract the experience of love into our lives?

Our world of competition and dueling soundbites is more and more convincing us that love is some unnatural thing; a prize which must be earned by biological attraction; a game that’s hard to win.  Unplug from the media and practice the slightest bit of mindful present awareness and discover instead that love has been right in your own back yard all along.

We must be convinced that no matter what we experienced before, love is available, right here aloversnd now.  That frustrating, invalidating experience you had before – that was not love – and it did not disqualify you from love.

Love is always available.  It is a clean-burning fuel which drives anyone who pursues a specific mission.  It is the force needed for success and satisfaction.  The importance of setting   boundaries is to channel the power of love in ways that feed and enrich life; in ways which also attract relationships which feed and enrich life.

Love, thwarted, by relating to those incapable of empathy or bonding, can lead one to believe that love doesn’t exist.  The call for love remains unanswered, so it appears that love is not “out there.“

The solution is to turn to the love that is “in here” at the core of the being and tend to that, valuing it highly, protecting it with good boundaries and practicing selectivity which comes with self esteem.

Attracting good relationships, for love or money, relies on a state of being which is tapped into the inner and ever-present state of love.   Allowing your love to act as a magnet for good things involves getting beyond the chatter and the one-up competition which comprise the media’s hypnotic story of an ugly reality.

Becoming and remaining present, experiencing emotions such as compassion and joy, and developing a high level of healthy self esteem, bring the state of love into clear focus and create an irresistible attraction to love in all its forms.

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The Key to Legitimate Personal Power

If you’ve been a victim of politics and power plays, narcissistic abuse, manipulative managers or mobs, you may have been told and sold a lie about power.   The people who perpetuate power over tactics, or bullying, would have you feel disempowered.

You may think you can lose your power to someone else.  You might have come to believe that if one person has power, another does not; that if you win, someone else must lose.  If you believe these things, they are true. This is the reality which is touted by the thug, control freak or manipulative.

However, if you would restore and use your personal power and regain your confidence, you must subscribe to a different version of reality; one in which you can be powerful without having to control anyone else or get the upper hand or have power over them.

The key to personal power is found in the word personal.  Your true power wells up from your individuality and uniqueness.

Calling on this form of power, you can prevail over the one-up mentality of the bully, as long as you don’t buy into that world view.  I would not recommend pitting your personal power against a bully, because there is surely an environment which is a better fit for your unique strengths.  However, if you find yourself in a mean environment, restoring your personal power is the best way to navigate the perils.
The civil world view is much kinder, more organic and relies on your unique strengths rather than any form of struggle.  What’s more, in this reality, power is attainable and unassailable.

There is no need to look over your shoulder.

The truth you must keep in sight is that you are unique and uniquely powerful.  There is no real competition.  The more you are true to your core self, the more attractive you are to situations and people which suit you ideally.

statue the Minerva

Statue of Minerva, 

When you integrate and express your true power, there is no such think as rejection.  There is only poor fit for people and situations.  If there’s a poor fit, then move on to more suitable situations – the sooner the better.

You can be coached to be more powerful and this will help you to more fully align with and express your unique self.  There is magic in this form of power.  It has the midas touch about it. It contains a love potion, and wards off the evil eye.

This is the power you need to be successful, satisfied and pursue your important life mission.

The Anti-Mob: A force for good

Constructed hand

It is called “mobbing,” when a group gangs up to shun or thwart an individual.

We humans are social, thrive on attachment and register physical pain and stress when we are excluded.  No matter how we try to minimize it, mobbing is hostile.

The mobbing tactic can be turned toward the good, however.  When group solidarity is invoked to resist gossip, competition and divisive tactics, order, support and inclusion can be maintained.  I have witnessed this a few times and it is as beautiful a dynamic as a bullying mob is ugly.

The manager likes to talk to one worker about another, stirring up hard feelings, competition and distrust.  However, the workers know how this manager operates, so they agree to never get sucked into saying anything negative about each other.

  • If the manager suggests to Jill that Jack complained about her, Jill answers that she’s had only good experiences with Jack and will talk to him about his complaints.  (The manager will, of course, urge Jill not to say anything to Jack.)
  • If the manager then suggests to Jack, that Jill thinks his department gets an unfair portion of the resources.  Jack responds that he and Jill can work everything out easily together as they always do.
  • Jack and Jill then confer with each other to find out what, if any, truth underlies the manager’s comments.

A vice president likes to come into the department and nose around when the department head is on vacation, digging up problems to confront her with later.

  • The staff, when questioned, resist any impulses to act defensive, or to play the expert or the hero.
  • They are careful not to commit themselves to answers until they have thoroughly researched any inquiries the VP has made.
  • Staff then reassure the VP that processes are being followed and errors have been corrected.
  • All the information is compiled to inform the department head as soon as she returns.

If work group members are all trustworthy, they can maintain power and a collaborative spirit by recognizing the troublemaking forces in the culture and agreeing to stick together and support each other, working out any differences privately.

The wagons are circled, calm is maintained, arrival at conclusions is postponed.  The work group continue to enjoy their mutual support which is their best defense against troublemakers.

This creates a safe haven and positive work environment within an otherwise unfriendly culture.

Being Sensitive; Good News & Bad News

vishnulakshmiThose of us who are sensitive tend to empathize with others’ feelings and care about them.  The general run of good people are empathic and considerate of others.  Those of us who grew up in chaotic situations often develop more acute sensitivity; having become adept at using our “antennae” to monitor the emotional weather around us.

This can be a very handy trait in good relationships, keeping us attuned and appropriately responsive to others’ feelings.  Sensitive people are often highly responsible in relationships. With others who appreciate and reciprocate, this sensitivity can keep the machinery of relationships well oiled and highly functioning.

If you are a sensitive person, you know there is the downside to it. The empathic and sensitive among us may have porous boundaries and feel responsible for others to our own detriment when those others lack empathy.  Manipulative people test others’ boundaries to see how much they can control and benefit from their interactions.

An sensitive person can be far too understanding of manipulative people fall prey to their machinations.  A heightened sense of responsibility for others’ feelings can keep a sensitive person entangled in a false relationship, trying to make the interactions right.  Ironically, when a sensitive person does object to manipulative behavior, he or she is often told, “You are too sensitive!”

Despite excellent intuitions about other people, the sense of responsibility can cause the sensitive to project motives onto others rather than seeing what is really there.  Awareness of this is the key for a sensitive person to unlock any unhealthy relationship patterns.

If empathy and sensitivity are directed differently, they are powerful in steering a path to great relationships.  If sensitivity is used to accurately read the feelings of others, and one remains sensitive to one’s own boundaries as well, the nature of the interaction becomes obvious.

Is the relationship a hollow involvement with someone who has little empathy; someone who cannot bond and does not reciprocate?  Or is the relationship real, involving someone who is similarly sensitive?

In the realm of real relationships, sensitivity pays big dividends!