Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

In “Mending Wall”  Robert Frost* and his neighbor meet to repair the wall between their properties.  The neighbor repeats, “Good fences make good neighbors,”  while Frost seeks to know what it is he and his neighbor are walling in or out.

Great relationships are full of great paradoxes.  They are not based on meeting needs, but with your best-friend or soulmate, your needs often get met very beautifully.  A transcendent relationship is not based on physical attraction, but the compatibility is usually there as if it were!

The profound connection of a great relationship also comes with the paradox of strong boundaries.  Walls and boundaries strengthen relationships by strengthening individuality, recognizing equality, creating empowerment and and requiring consensual connection.


photo credit: h.koppdelaney via photo pin cc

I appreciate your individuality and your perfection as a soul by honoring your boundaries and  letting you express yourself exactly as you are without interference from me, although we may choose to be influenced by each other.

I acknowledge your power, by allowing you to own what is on your side of the boundary.  I might think I know how to resolve problems for you, but that assumes you have no power or choice of your own, so I do not trespass without your consent.

Walls, boundaries, and good fences make good neighbors because they reinforce the sovereignty of each neighbor.  Our delight in relationships is when someone who is not us appreciates and loves us.  Especially when it is someone we appreciate and love.

Walls make us acknowledge what territory is ours or not ours and make it clear when we are invited to cross the boundary as opposed to when we are trespassing.  Those who trespass our boundaries early in a relationship and get too close too soon can flatter us with their attraction, but in truth, it is like a stranger walking into your house without knocking or waiting for an invitation.

Being invited to cross the boundary is an honor and accepting the invitation is a powerful way we overcome our separateness.

Good fences make good neighbors.

*See the Poem Mending Wall by Robert Frost

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