Archive for January, 2016

Some Facts are Easier to Face than Others

If you have been the target of abuse, it can be easy to believe that all relationships have serious downsides.  Experts may have told you that even the best relationships are a lot of work.  Doesn’t that sound like fun?

If you have been conditioned to have poor boun
daries, people who disrespect boundaries can find you highly attractive.  It’s as if they see you and think, “Oh goody!  She’s nice and I don’t have to behave around her!”  You may meet a narcissistic or controlling person and (maybe subconsciously) think, “All my patterns fit in beautifully with his!  It’s a match made in heaven!”  Thus, you start relationships which seem great and then end up being painful.  This could make you feel that you can only draw disrespect from others, but it’s not true!

Some so-called experts suggest that a target of narcissistic abuse can never really heal, but I find this claim highly suspect, not least because it usually comes from a victim who has never really healed.  The exceptions prove that notion wrong, for me, and for clients and friends.

It is possible to identify and break the patterns that have put you in what passes for a relationship.  You then attract people with surprising depths instead of shocking shallows.

Finding good, safe relationships requires an attitude change, but it is well worth it!  Most of the new ideas you will need to accept are ones you have always wanted to believe anyway.

At their core, people are whole, perfect and complete.  This means you!  When I coach clients to get the messages from their emotions and release them instead of stuffing them, we always uncover the same core state.  The underlying energy is love.  Just as the sun shines steadily behind a storm, love is the steady force
behind swirling emotions.Depositphotos_6988428_s-2015

As you begin to function on this deeper level of love, you are more genuine and you attract people on that level as well.   There is always access to more love.  There is no need to settle for painful relationships. There is no rejection at this level, either.  You either fit with another or not.

Meanwhile, you do have to become more mindful and present, and you do have to learn to begin relationships more slowly.  Give yourself time to identify personal boundary gate-crashers, and to mark the contradictory messages from crazy-makers with “return to sender.”

You may have to just trust that there is something worth holding out for.  But you can hold out for soul connected partnerships, sane and loving friends, a therapist who is actually therapeutic, honest attorneys, a reliable hair stylist (I’ve seen it happen!) and maybe even collaborative workplace relationships.

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