Quick and Dirty Body Language Reading Tutorial

Skeptic. Doubtful woman looking at youIf you hope to avoid unsafe people, it helps to be able to read the non verbal cues.  The interviewer tells you, “I have a collaborative management style.”   Your date says, “We are so similar it’s scary!”  Your coworker assures you, “You can trust me to support you.” It sounds great. Is it true?

When we think of communication we usually think of language; written and spoken, possibly illustrated with pictures, facial expressions or gestures. When we listen to words, we focus conscious attention on an estimated 7% of of the communication.

Almost all of the information we communicate s is not verbal. Most of us pick up this information without being consciously aware of it, and nonverbal communication may be far more reliable than spoken words. It is easy to lie verbally. It is not so easy to get the body to go along with the story. But how to read what the body says?

You could watch The Mentalist for some tips, but then, you look peculiar when you peer into someone’s face to see if their pupils contracted or their lip twitched. You can learn to read eye movements which indicate whether another person is remembering or fabricating, but you run the risk of misunderstanding these cues if you are the least bit dyslexic, and once you figure out that you are talking with a left handed person, you’ve missed half of what was said and he’s written you off as flaky and inattentive.

If you do not read social cues, (and some of us don’t,) you might want to learn how, bit by bit, The Mentalist way. For others of us who do not play professional poker and just want to know if there’s something fishy about the hiring manager, or the guy we met on ConsciousSingles.com, that much skill and detail are not really necessary. You probably already read nonverbal language fairly accurately all the time. You’re just not conscious of it.

The short cut for becoming aware of non verbal cues is your feelings. How do you feel? Do you feel queasy in the job interview? Or, do you get a peaceful easy feeling with the guy you met online?  Do you get vague feelings of unease when your coworker enters the room, or is it more like a sharp pain?  The feeling gives you an executive summary of the entire interaction.

Appreciate the validation of feelings which support the words you are hearing.  Be alert to the feelings which are incongruent with the verbal conversation.  There’s always a chance that heavy feeling is something you had for lunch, but once you rule out the food,  attend to feelings of dread, anxiety, suspicion, or any sense of disempowerment.

If those feelings don’t motivate you to get outta Dodge, then ask searching questions, read the fine print a couple of times, and sleep on the decision.

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