There’s a Wolf in that Sheepskin!

SheepWouldn’t it be nice if difficult people were labeled clearly with helpful hazard warnings so you could simply avoid involvement?  But they are not, and in fact, covertly aggressive, controlling, and narcissistic people are deceptively charming at first.  It can take being stung repeatedly to realize that the abusive behavior was not a mistake.  The damage is done before you know you have been targeted.

Early detection of a toxic partner, boss or comrade is not really that difficult.  I have tangled with bullies and worked with their targets enough to know that controlling people invariably tip their hand and, subtly but surely, show their true nature early on in a relationship.  Mixed in with the charm, are fleeting antisocial behaviors which we tend to dismiss as anomalies.

Instead of dismissing odd, out of character behaviors, consider them red flags; warnings to watch a person’s behavior more closely, paying more attention to actions than to words.  A feeling of confusion is the early warning sign that you have perceived inconsistent behavior.  If you feel confused around someone you do not know well, that person’s behavior bears watching.

Toxic people are usually short on empathy and you may see occasional evidence of this.  When a new person in your life fails to respond to your remarks or does not listen to your end of the conversation, they are likely to have a bit more narcissism than the norm.  This doesn’t make for rewarding relationships.

Watch for facial expressions that are not appropriate to the conversation, such as smiling while hearing about another’s misfortune, rolling the eyes dismissively, or turning red in the face and looking angry in an ordinary conversation.  These can indicate hostile feelings.

Attend to any confusing behavior or inappropriate reaction.  When a hiring manager snaps at you during the interview, your new friend is critical, or a date claims he’s interested but shows up late without phoning, don’t write it off as odd.  Question why you are seeing unfriendly behavior in a situation which should be friendly.

Disrespect indicates a lack of empathy.  If a hiring manager wants a decision on the spot in the first interview or a blind date pushes to come to your house, your needs are not being respected.  Disrespect can also take the form of criticism from people who have no business criticizing you. And really, most people have no business criticizing you.  Making assumptions about you can also be disrespectful, such as presuming to know what you think or acting as if you have a closer relationship than you do.

To more quickly evaluate someone you have just met, ask appropriate questions about their relationships to elicit information about whether they empathize with others.  Watch for expression and attitude as much as what is said as you ask how your date gets along with his mom, or how the employees felt about the reorganization.

Follow up on your suspicions.  Always feel justified in running background checks on anyone you date.  If you interview for a job, see if you know someone who has had experience with, or heard gossip about, the company or the reputation of the manager you would work with.

See whether the confusing behavior is really an anomaly before dismissing it.

Advertisements

0 Responses to “There’s a Wolf in that Sheepskin!”



  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s





%d bloggers like this: