Appreciating Enlightened Relationships

vishnulakshmi

It’s easy to get depressed with all the controlling, manipulative and unreliable people in the world.  Sometimes it seems as if disrespectful people turn up everywhere.  But they don’t.

It can be helpful to audit your contact lists and make a special list of the people who are consistently good to interact with. I did this recently and was pleased to see that I had quite a number trustworthy people in my life.  I can rely on these people.  I feel safe with them.

There are the tried and true friends.  We may take each other for granted, but these friends can be counted on for their integrity.   These relationships can be painful at times; we step on each others toes because we are close and we join each other’s unconscious conspiracies.  But ultimately, we have each others’ best interests at heart.

There are a couple of colleagues who have joined me in business ventures, with whom I have had consistently honest, productive and painless relationships.  I must also count the cousin who always takes me seriously.   Then there are the new friends from a women’s group who truly listen to me, respect me and accept me as I am.  I am also beginning to notice an outer circle of people who are not as close but are a steady and positive presence in my life.

What makes people safe to relate to?  They are willing to actively connect with us, be honest with us and they have our best interests at heart.  They may not get it right all the time, but they have been reliable enough that we trust them.

Good fences make good neighbors – and allow us to see where we leave off and the other begins.  Boundaries are critical for respect and the trustworthy person will recognize and respect your boundaries as well as her own.  A person with good boundaries can feel safe and therefore be safe to be aWhat makes people safe to relate to?  They are willing to actively connect with us, be honest with us and they have our best interests at heart.  They may not get it right all the time, but they have been reliable enough that we trust them.

You must be present to win – being present and connected with another is critical for healthy relating.  In order to connect with you, I need empathy to relate to and care about what you think and how your feel.  Empathy is based on listening, watching, and feeling, and is not the projection of the narcissist who assumes you must feel exactly as he does, or the bully who claims to know your motivations better than you do.

Straightforward honesty is important for an enlightened interaction.  When someone is generally honest, we can rely on what they say and do.  We trust them.  I am not referring to the brutal “Your dress is awful,” honesty which diminishes another.  Consistent communication and congruent behavior build trust and the peace that trust brings.  Crazy making double messages are rare with a person who is straightforward and honest.

The person who has your best interests at heart is allowing rather than controlling and interacts in ways that promote your growth.

Cultivating trustworthy people and becoming a trustworthy person are the best antidote to the toxins we pick up in difficult relationships.

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