Archive for April, 2012

What’s in Your Subconscious?

In the last five years, millions of people have watched The Secret and learned how to use the power of thought and visualization to get what they want out of life. Millions more have bought related programs and products for manifesting their dream life.

Consequently, many of these millions have become wealthy beyond belief and married their soul mates, right? You probably have several close friends who have achieved their dreams this way, right?


In fact, demographics in the US are showing the opposite trend. Wealth is concentrated among fewer people, and a couple years after the Law of Attraction became a popular topic, we experienced the most profound economic downturn in decades.

When you don’t get results with manifestation techniques (usually visualization plus positive thinking and affirmations,) you may be accused of being negative, or of not really following the instructions properly. The truth is that less than one percent of people get the desired results from self help or self improvement programs.

If our school system failed to teach 99% of our children to read and blamed the failure on the student, we would consider the program a failure, but when one of us fails to manifest our dreams, the coaches and seminar leaders tell us we are being negative! I find it hard to believe that over 99% of us are negative slackers or that we cannot read and follow important directions!

Some critics say the Law of Attraction only works if you take action and they criticize The Secret for not advising action. I think this criticism is unfounded. The times that my thoughts have manifested in experience, I often took no sensible action. Besides, most of the self improvement believers I know are quite proactive and still don’t get the results they want on a consistent basis.
So is there a Law of Attraction or a Law of Coincidence?

If you read Dean Radin’s The Conscious Universe, you will find plenty of impeccable scientific evidence for believing in the power of the mind. By impeccable, I mean double blind, replicated studies. And because the researchers are dealing with woo- woo topics, they are even more careful than usual.

So, I don’t think the Law of Attraction experts are selling us a bill of goods. I do think they mostly teach about the power of the mind without really understanding the mind very well.

I accept the evidence that the mind can be used to affect our experience. But only about 10% of that mind is within our conscious awareness, and most of us don’t do a very good job controlling that! If you expect to control the other 90% with affirmations, I wish you luck.

I have been seeking ways to affect the subconscious for years. I have tried a lot of approaches from affirmations to hypnosis, tapping to energy healing, shadow work to magic, for dealing with my unconscious “blocks” or “programs.” There are a lot of techniques that help, but I’ve only found a few which are really powerful. When I find something that works, I include that in my coaching practice.

If you find you cannot succeed in some aspect of your life, or find yourself in the same (inadequate) relationship over and over again, I will bet dollars to doughnuts that you have some unconscious pattern operating that is stopping you. Some of the techniques I use or recommend can be very helpful for identifying and dealing with unconscious patterns that trip you up.

The easiest way for you to evaluate what is in your own subconscious is to look at what’s in your experience. Especially, consider the most joyful and most trying experiences which repeat for you along with all your knee jerk reactions. Also look at behavior, reactions or moods which you find difficult to control.

The most insidious cause of unconscious blocks is fear, and because it is a survival mechanism, your unconscious clings tightly to it in order to protect you. If you have experienced trauma or abuse in relationships, at work, or in the service, you may not benefit from self improvement efforts until the fear is addressed.

If you want to manifest a better experience, seek trauma therapy if appropriate. Also seek the assistance of someone who can discern your unconscious patterns. Better yet, get assistance from someone who can help you change those patterns.  I offer a self guided coaching program wich leads you through all the techniques which have worked for me on the Products page, here, at

When you change the unconscious patterns that run your life, you start getting better results. I am not sure you will manifest a million dollars, but I can almost promise that the quality of your life will change significantly.

Are You Really too Sensitive?

Your sensitivity may just be appropriate.Why is it that those of us who are on the receiving end of rude, unkind, dishonest or manipulative behavior are so often accused of being too sensitive?

When most of our minds are shaped by the verbal one-upmanship of television, the ideal behavior is to be tough and unaffected by the hurtful behavior of others.  To the TV shaped mentality, there is only power over another; a zero sum game.

This is a rather primitive, unenlightened mentality for the 21st century.  Sensitivity is seen as weakness.  We give credence to the knuckle-dragging Neanderthal who can dish out the most insults and anger.   In light of this, it is hardly a wonder that half of marriages result in divorce and our children bully each other.

“You’re too sensitive,” is a standard line from the verbally or emotionally abusive.  If one complains about manipulative behavior, the complaint is dismissed and the complainer is defined as being “too sensitive.”  Of course, this criticism is abusive too.  Who is to say that who and how you are is wrong?

There is, of course, a kernel of truth to the “too sensitive” criticism, otherwise we would never accept it.  Those of us who are sensitive do need to learn not to internalize the judgments of others too easily.

It is common for those on the receiving end of verbal and emotional abuse to begin to buy into the criticisms of the abuser – whether at work or at home.  They begin to wonder:  Am I really performing so badly?  Did I really cause him to be angry?  Should I truly have known that answer?  Could I really be mentally ill?  Unfortunately, the abusive live in a reality in which a criticism is merely a ploy to get relative power in any situation.  On the other hand, the sensitive person lives in a reality in which a criticism should be considered as an honest opinion and taken at face value.

For those who survive abusive relationships, this sensitivity is the gift that keeps on giving, making them second guess themselves far more and far longer than they should.  But this is the polar opposite of the healthy sensitivity that discerns that rude, manipulative, hurtful behavior is unacceptable.

And, I wonder, how sensitive is too sensitive?  A woman I know complained that her boss greets her with “What is it now?”  A co worker said the problem was that she was too sensitive.  As a manager, I would say the problem is that the boss is too rude…and inefficient.  A neutral greeting would actually be easier and quicker.  But a polite response would not leave the employee feeling insecure and off balance.

And, I suspect that in this supervisor’s sitcom mentality, he needs to create insecurity to have a sense of power.

A client whose husband regularly yelled and swore at her, reports that a marriage counselor suggested she develop a thicker skin about his anger.  She was too sensitive.  I can see no reason for yelling at a spouse unless she’s in the path of a truck or the house is on fire, but somehow the anger was not addressed.  This woman was criticized for not being able to take it.

It often seems that the rude and unkind people who lack empathy are not the problem in our relationships.   We who have empathy enough to be sensitive to the behavior of others should learn to care less about others; be less empathetic.

We should develop thicker skins, be insensitive and unaffected by how others treat us.  What a wonderful world that will create!

More Sins of Omission – Hiding your Light Under a Bushel


Good people often feel that they are promoting good when they simply avoid doing wrong. The new age movement promotes this by preaching non It takes courage to shine brightly.judgment without understanding the concept, and suggesting that inner peace means passivity.

When the enlightened practice non judgment and inner peace, they act, or refrain from acting, from a state of being centered.  Ghandi practiced passive resistance and love, certainly, but his was acourageous stance which he discerned would avoid violence.  He was not passive to avoid action.  When I am passive or non-judgmental to avoid taking a stance, it is a cop out.

More than most people, I understand the power of the unseen and what can be done with energy.  I practice a number of energetic or mental techniques which are invisible and yet quite profound in their results.  But if I see someone drowning, I think it is more appropriate to go physically to their rescue than to send them good energy.  If someone is trespassing, and doesn’t listen to reason, then litigation may be more appropriate than love.  (If you are capable of litigating lovingly, then that’s even better.)

Bullies, abusers, those who lack empathy, sociopaths without conscience…none of these people respond well to good energy.  People who cannot relate to or connect with their fellow humans are often quite oblivious to the energy of others.

In dealing with these selfish forces, those of us who are good should be positive forces for good, rather than passive lumps who are satisfied with simply not being bad.

What does it mean to be a positive force for good? It involves using power appropriately.  We all have god-given power to wield.  It was not bestowed upon us to be hidden or to atrophy from disuse.

Positive goodness may involve speaking up, enforcing boundaries and not allowing trespasses, protecting our dependants, and taking action to promote positive outcomes.  Positive goodness almost always involves courage and risk taking.  It certainly takes discernment to stand up for what is right without continually focusing on what is wrong.

Positive goodness almost always creates a kind of magic in the life of the person who practices it.  Whether you win or lose your particular challenge, the courage you practice and the boundaries you fortify put you in a wiser, more centered place.  From this state of being, your energetic influence on the world is huge and beneficent.

The prize is that you shine more brightly as your true self and experience deep joy rather than fleeting happiness.

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