Archive for December, 2011

How You Look from Behind

I used to sit in the back of the room at staff meetings and um, well, uh, I would… daydream.  In one especially riveting meeting, I noticed that 8 out of 10 women present had styled their hair on the front and sides, but had left the back uncurled or uncombed!  From the front, these ladies presented a very together appearance, but they were totally unaware of what they looked like from behind.

This is the way subconscious feelings and patterns affect us.  You meet someone who presents a cheery, positive face to the world, but you sense an underlying insecurity, sadness, or even anger.  No matter how positive and socially skilled you are, your innermost feelings are there, broadcasting subliminal messages that may contradict your demeanor.

Most of the time, this is no big deal.  We all have a mix of conscious and unconscious stuff going on.  But if you are pretending to like someone you truly dislike, they will sense it.  If you are secretly insecure, I guarantee, most everyone else is aware of it on some level.

How do you know what unconscious obstacles and patterns may be tripping you up if you are not conscious of them?  You can become conscious of the unconscious by looking at reflections of yourself, much as my colleagues at the meeting should have done when fixing their hair in the morning.

The first mirror is body feelings.  Many of us have been schooled to ignore feelings, but they never lie.  Make an affirmation about your wildest dream and see how it makes you feel.  For example, “Men find me so attractive they run up to me at the mall and offer me gifts.” Then listen – really listen – to your body.  If the statement is true you will feel peaceful.  If the statement is false, you will feel some dissonance, or tension, somewhere in your body.  (Hint:  probably in your belly, but maybe in your chest.)

Another great mirror is other people, but look at the reactions of a number of other people not just a few.  Do you get odd reactions from people in general?  Are people often rude for no reason?  You are probably not a truly awful person, or you wouldn’t be reading this.  People are sensing some dissonance in your person.  They probably are not conscious of their reaction, so don’t bother asking them.

The third good mirror is an intuitive coach, counselor or consultant.  Find one who has expertise in the area you have trouble with, whether relationships, marketing, managing people, or communications.   Intuition helps the expert to quickly identify your unconscious patterns and obstacles and point them out to you.  Their expertise helps them guide you to deal with the issues identified.  A good intuitive expert will not distort your reflection much.

When ignorance is not blissful, ‘tis helpful to be wise.